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Separation “Are we doing the right thing?”

When the decision to separate is finally made, each of you will be profoundly affected.  Studies show that both groups (the leaver and the left) undergo roughly the same amount of emotional turmoil.  The leaver experiences guilt and self-blame where as the left experiences hurt and anger.  The length of the relationship doesn’t seem to affect the depth of mourning.

The four major emotional stages of separation and divorce are: 1. Separation Shock  2. The Roller Coaster  3. Identity Work  4. The Re-centred self.  These stages are similar to the stages of grief experienced by widows and widowers.  Mourning the loss of a marriage is a lot like mourning a death.  Following a divorce there will be times when you fees very much alone. Remember that many people have felt the same way and survived.

The effects of divorce take four points of view 1. some only focus their attention on their ex’s         faults  2. some blame themselves entirely, even if they aren’t the leaver  3.  some try to put the whole thing out of their mind  4.  the more healthy reaction is to try to figure out what went wrong so you can part with as little conflict as possible.

Just like any grief the healing process takes time but it is possible to come out at the end whole and happy.

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